I surrendered my entire life to the Lord on January 1st of 1990. For the 1st time in my life, I had looked to Him to find Him... asking God "if He was really real, I just needed to know." I was at the end. Disillusioned, confused, hurt, questioning, addicted, exhausted and betrayed..
Born with severe asthmatic bronchitis and un-diagnosed ADHD, into an already troubled and abusive marriage and family situation... the challenges were incredible. In and out of the hospital for treatments, I was tested over and again for epilepsy. They had little knowledge of hyperactivity at that time .. let alone to the severity that I was 'gifted' with it. I had repetitive behaviors that I could neither control, nor explain. (even as a baby... I banged my head repetitively on my crib until my head would bleed.) I'm sure this was hard on everyone in my family. I learned early in life to be 'ashamed' of simply 'who Kim was.' Whenever I showed signs of shaking, hyperactive behavior, 'different-ness,' or extreme, exclusive concentration on something, I was singled out, called out and asked to stop. They put me on phenobarbital to try and control my shaking, and excessive hyperactivity. Ignorant of the side effects of long term barbiturate use in children, these drugs progressively began to take a toll. My mom, trying hard to keep her emotional, mental and spiritual head above her own troubled waters... kept me on phenobarbital until I started school...
That's when the hallucinations and the bed-wetting began. I guess no one realized that I was experiencing sever with-drawl from my addiction to these drugs. I was then disciplined for night-time out-bursts, crying and not 'making it to the bathroom' on time.
It was a scary time. I was afraid of my father, confused by my mother, and absent of certain normal love, direction and attention that should be provided by parents. The 'marks' and scars were evident emotionally and mentally, as well as physically. My hurt eventually turned to anger. My real father figure was my grandfather (my mom's dad). He died when I was 9. This 'chord' of strength, stability, and love; this backbone to our sanity in whom we relied upon.. was gone.
My mom filed for divorce when I was 15. I was already holding a full-time job as well as a full class schedule at school. I worked early, dated early, and developed an eating disorder very early. My eating disorder lasted 8 tumultuous years. However horrendous, it was a 'tool' that I used to be in control, to feel powerful, and to cope. Which, as you learn later... was really doing none of the above.
I learned to 'self-medicate' in many different ways. I pulled away from hurtful people, false representations of 'God and religion,' and those that judged our family situation... themselves having no idea what it was really like. But abuse, lies, hurt and pain have to be healed... or they morph into other things. They are 'shape-shifters' that lurk in new corners, destroy in new ways and drive you to other things much worse. I tried to guard my heart, so no one could get too deep and see the real me. I abused alcohol and pot as a way to numb reality and cope. At 15, I tried to commit suicide through overdosing... hoping to simply end all the craziness, deep hurt and confusion in my life. I wasn't seeking attention. I wanted to die. A miracle of God saved my life. And after 2 weeks in the hospital, I was released. In the middle of all of this.. my natural rapport and care for people turned into an incredible love for them. I couldn't help encouraging, uplifting and helping-- even though my own pain cut me to the quick. I was offered top management of a fast food chain at the age of 19 due to my leadership qualities and my way of encouraging and influencing people. I turned it down, and turned to radio instead. I wanted a better way to 'make a difference in people lives that lasts forever.' So far from God, yet He remained so faithful to me. Hurt by too many people who said they were Gods example... I was sure there WAS no God and IF there was, He wasn't very nice. What a common mistake of those who have no relationship with the true God, tainted by those who mis-represent Him. From WAMJ 1580 AM TalkRadio for a year, to ZIP 104 WZZP (the #1 Top 40 secular station at the time) for 3 1/2 years... I continued to advance career wise, while spiraling downward personally. Through a series of hurtful events, I began a dangerous slope downward into despair and depression. Monday was aweful. Tuesday was worse. Wednesday was literally unbearable...
But God was waiting on Friday! Numb, raw, and exhausted, I finally cried out to God for the first time in my life. He is so much love. And I knew it immediately. All alone, on my knees at the end of my bed and the end of my rope.. I gave my life to Jesus Christ.
From that moment to this day, I pursued wisdom, faith, knowledge, grace and love... everything that is God, with a fervor. Never had I known such an intimate and amazing, loving relationship in my life!
It was January 1st of 1990. And I was 23.
I began to hear so clearly, see things so deeply, and understand so completely. I shared my faith with everyone and anyone who would listen. I was obedient to my Heavenly Father, who told me to forgive my earthly father... and be to him what he should have been to me. I obeyed. And continued until his death from complications of double kidney failure some 8 years later. You will be blessed to know that my father prayed the prayer of salvation with me one evening while lying in his hospital bed many weeks prior to his death.
I stayed in secular radio for 11 months after my salvation, as God directed me... in order to be 'light in a dark place.' Then through a God ordained set of carefully orchestrated circumstances, LeSea Broadcasting heard about my testimony, listened to me on air, and offered me a job that same day. And I've been in Christian radio for 27 years now!
God has seen me through an abusive marriage (in which my ex was sentenced to 6 1/2 years in prison because of it), years of singleness, near death experiences, the tragic, sudden death of my brother and nephew in a car accident, miraculous healings, a very painful revelation concerning my mom... 'shipwrecks' (as the Apostle Paul said), trials, tests, hardships of many kinds and amazing miracles. Life in Christ is triumphant, full of joy, centered, exciting, full of potential, passion and purpose. Everything the devil brings to kill, steal, and destroy... God turns into gold!
I am stronger right now because of Gods constant Love, guidance, leadership,and presence... and more ready for this 'advanced leg of my race'... than ever before! God is Father, Friend, Lover, Savior, Deliverer, Answer, Comforter, and Peace-giver. It is my prayer that you would know Him today.
I love you. I believe in you. And I continue to run 'this race' with you.